11.26 Hospital and Jeanne's dead

Celeste forced herself to take a few deep breaths, then she walked back inside the emergency room to wait for Scott and Jessica. Fortunately, the emergency room was only moderately busy, so Celeste took a seat next to a clean cut young man and woman. The young woman was wearing a pair of jeans, and a sweatshirt with a picture of “Belle” from “Beauty and the Beast” on the front. She had a handful of medical gauze pressed against the palm of her hand, and the hand itself cradled in her lap.
Celeste looked at her, a little curiously, as she sat down. The young woman noticed, smiled and shrugged self-depricatingly and said “I was feeding my cats; they only eat wet food. I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention, and I slipped while I was opening the can, and sliced my hand open.”
The young man sitting next to her laughed, and added, “I was talking on the phone to my father at the time, and I heard her yell for me to come help. I didn’t know what had happened, so I sarcastically told my father “Lynn’s probably cut her hand off with the can of catfood.” Unfortunately, I was almost too close to the truth.”
Celeste shook her head at the irony of the situation, and said, “I hope you’ll be ok.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” the young woman answered cheerfully. “Especially if they manage to keep me from passing out when the doctor gives me stitches.”
Celeste smiled politely, but in a manner that discouraged further conversation. She wished for a novel, but wound up flipping through a well thumbed People magazine. Nothing like mindless celebrity gossip to keep the mind occupied, she thought sarcastically.
Sortly after she finished the magazine, and was idly looking around for something else to keep her busy, Scott and Jessica came into the emergency room. Celeste stood and waved them over.
Jessica had clearly been showering when Celeste called. Her hair was still drenched, and in tangles down her back. It looked like she had rubbed it briskly with a towel before she left, but that was about it.

“What happened?” she asked abruptly, without even a greeting.
“C’mon, let’s go to the family room, I’ve been waiting out here for you but it’s quieter in there, and we can talk.” Celeste led Scott and Jessica into the waiting room meant for the families and friends of those in critical condition, or in surgery. There was one other family in there, on the other side of the room. The other family was sitting in a circle, holding hands, apparently praying for their loved one.
They sat down in one of the groups of overstuffed chairs, and Jessica promptly said, “So we’re here, what happened? What’s wrong with Jeanne?”
Celeste swallowed hard. It was one thing to relay the awful news to Jeanne’s mother over the phone, but to Jessica, the third member of their little clique, it was almost impossible. She took a deep breath and started:
“Jeanne didn’t want anyone to know about this, I really couldn’t blame her, so I didn’t say anything the other day. When she met up with you guys the other night, and you all left her with Scott’s friends, afterward, she was talking to some old guy at a bar, and he slipped her a date rape drug. Whatever the drug was, it made her really easy to convince to do anything, so he apparently convinced her to bring him home. She did, and I was awake when they got there.
“She walked in with him, shrugged and smiled like she knew it was weird, but didn’t really care, and then pulled him into her bedroom with her. What was I suppoed to say? She’s brought guys home before – so have I, so has everyone. She wasn’t obviously out of it…”
Jessica patted Celeste on the back. Celeste stopped talking for a minute, visibly pulled herself together, and continued:
“Anyway, she woke up a little later than I did on Saturday, and she didn’t remember any of it. I wound up convincing her to to go the doctor’s – more for a morning after pill, and tests for STDs than anything else, but they also tested her urine for date rape drugs. We got home, and from then until tonight, Jeanne was insisting that it was all her fault – for being stupid, for being irresponsible, god knows, for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“I did my best to convince her that she was wrong, that no matter who stupid or irresponsible or whatever, anyone might be, they don’t deserve to be raped. But she wouldn’t even consider it rape – she just kept saying that it was a suitable punishment.
“Tonight we found out for sure that it was a date rape drug, and Jeanne had actually agreed to go to the police tomorrow. She said she wasn’t feeling well, so I left her alone to take a nap, while I made dinner. By the time dinner was ready, I went in to get her, and she had already taken all the drugs in the medicine cabinet, all the xanax, the tylenol with codeine from when she broke her ankle last winter, and from when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. And god knows what else, she took, like, whatever was left in about ten bottles. And I know, at least the bottle of tylenol that was mine, I only took one pill from it.
“Anyway, I found her on the floor in the bathroom. She was literally choking on her own vomit, and her heart was giving out. I gave her CPR until the EMTs got there, then I called you guys while they were re-starting her heart… I called her mom, too, and she’s on her way from Chicago, she should be landing in a couple hours.”
“Have you heard anything since you’ve been here?” Scott asked.
“Not really. They managed to get her heart beating again in the ambulance, thank god, but she was on a – what’s it called? Aspirator? Respirator? The things that breathe for people who can’t.”
“Respirator,” Scott responded, automatically.
“Yeah, and one of the ER nurses has been over twice to tell me that nothing has changed. Which is actually really nice of her, because since I’m not related, they’re not technically supposed to tell me anything.”

Celeste, Jessica, and Scott sat in the family room, each engaged in their own thoughts. After Celeste had presented the entire story to them, they talked about it briefly, and then suddenly had nothing more to say.
Scott’s hand rested on Jessica’s leg, and his thumb was moving around in little circles. Jessica didn’t even appear to notice, but the contact seemed to give Scott a little comfort, and probably gave Jess some as well.
Finally, Celeste’s phone rang. It was Jeanne’s mother. “I’m just inside the emergency room, where are you?”
Celeste walked out into the emergency room, and flagged her down. “How is she?”
“Her heart’s beating on it’s own, she’s still not breathing, though. They really couldn’t tell me much since I’m not family.”
Jeanne’s mother was a petite woman, dressed in a tan business suit, and Keds. “Ok,” she said, walking briskly toward the ER nurse.
“I’m Mrs. XXX, Jeanne XXX’s mother. Could I please see her doctor as soon as possible? I’ve just gotten in from Chicago, and I’d like to know who’s taking care of her and what her status is.”
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll let him know. He should be out to speak with you shortly.”
Celeste suddenly felt overwhelmingly claustrophobic. She breathed slowly, trying to regain control of herself, trying to make the sensation subside. Mrs. XXX and Celeste walked back into the family room. Celeste felt like she needed air, needed a minute to herself to calm down.
“Guys, I’m going to go outside for just a minute. I just need a little fresh air. Call me on my phone if you hear anything?”
Celeste stepped outside the ER, and walked about halfway down the turn-around driveway. She crouched down, leaning her back against the stone wall separating the hosiptal grounds from the sidewalk.
She called Matt’s number, but there was no answer. She left a message on his machine, “Matt, my roommate’s in the hospital. She tried to commit suicide. I’m not going to be able to meet you for lunch tomorrow. Please give me a call back when you get this.”
Just as Celeste clicked the “hang up” button on her phone, it began to ring. It was Jessica. “The nurse just came out, she’s gone into cardiac arrest again. Come back in right now.”
Celeste felt a surge of panic grip her, she again started praying for Jeanne to make it. When she walked back into the family room, Jeanne’s mother was on her knees with her hands clasped, reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Jessica and Scott were both ashen, Scott’s arm around Jessica’s shoulders.
“The doctor was just out here,” Jessica whispered. “She doesn’t have any brain function left, as far as they can tell. And now her heart’s stopped again; they don’t know if she’s going to make it. And even if she does, they think she might be in a coma for the rest of her life.”
Celeste felt sick. Her best friend, just a happy, living, funny, vibrant person, wasn’t ever going to get better. “What are we going to do?” she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.
Jeanne’s mother rose slowly to her feet. She walked over to the ER nurse’s desk, and talked to her quietly. The nurse nodded, then nodded again.
Jeanne’s mother made the sign of the cross, and then walked back to where Celeste, Jessica, and Scott were sitting. “I just told them,” she said quietly, “that if they’re sure that Jeanne will never regain consiousness, that she’ll never regain any brain function…that she’ll never be really living again… I told them to stop resusitating. I don’t want my baby to be a vegetable.”
Celeste just sat there, trying to figure out what the words “stop resusitating” meant. It was at the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t quite make the connection. She was startled when she felt a tear drop down onto her hands resting in her lap.
She turned to look at Jessica and Scott, and was shocked to see that they, too, were crying. Jeanne’s mother was sitting in the overstuffed chair, stoical and grim. Maybe making the decision made it easier not to cry?
Celeste suddenly felt like she couldn’t take it anymore [###I have way too many “Celeste felt” and “Celeste suddenly felt”’s in here…###]. “I need to go,” she said, surprised to have vocalized her sudden need.
“What?” Jessica asked.
“I can’t stay…I feel sick, I need to get out of here.”
Jessica immediately got to her feet, and put an arm around Celeste’s waist. She looked back at Mrs. XXX as they were walking out of the family room, and said, “We’re going to step outside for a minute, please call Celeste’s phone if there’s a chance to go in and see how she’s doing, and maybe…say goodbye…”
Mrs. XXX nodded, and sort of collapsed into herself. Scott was helping her into a chair as Jessica walked outside with Celeste.
“Breathe,” Jessica repeated. Celeste obediently took a breath, but she still felt like she was going to explode inside. She was torn between crying and screaming, and she was ready to either kill Mrs. XXX for saying that the doctors should stop trying to save Jeanne, or to kill herself so that this would all stop hurting.
“Breathe,” Jessica said again.
“I can’t!” Celeste cried. “Just let me go home, just let me leave!”
“I would, Celeste, but you’d never forgive me for letting you go, or forgive yourself for not staying if there’s an opportunity to say goodbye.”
“Why would she do this?” Celeste started sobbing. “Why? It wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anyone but that guy’s fault. Why?”
Celeste’s phone rang. She opened it without looking at the number. “Wha-what?” she sniffled into it.
“Celeste? Are you ok? I got your message…” Matt said.
“Can – can you come here? I’m at Somerville Hospital, and…I need you.”
“Do they have a parking lot? Oh never mind, I’ll figure it out. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Thank you.” Celeste whispered into the phone.
“Just stay there, I’ll be there soon.”
Celeste turned to Jessica, who was listening to Celeste’s half of the conversation, slightly confused. Like a good friend, though, when Celeste couldn’t think of words to explain, she didn’t press it. She and Celeste walked up and down the walk in front of the emergency room entrance, and Celeste struggled to pull it together.
“Jess,” she asked, “how can you be so calm?”
“What else am I going to do?” Jessica answered. “It won’t help anything for me to lose it, now, but I can at home with no one but Scott to hear. And he’ll understand.”
They walked quietly for a few minutes, Celeste rubbed the tear stains off her face with the cuff of her sleeve. Finally, Celeste broke the silence and said, “She’s not going to be okay, is she?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Jessica answered.
“What are we going to do?” Celeste asked.
“What we always do… try to take over the world,” Jessica answered with a feeble smile. It was a running joke between she, Celeste, and Jeanne. Celeste didn’t quite know how to take that.
“No, really,” she insisted.
“What do you think we’re going to do, Celeste? We’ll do what we have to do, like we always do. It isn’t like there’s a whole lot of choice.”
“I know,” Celeste sniffled. “I just can’t imagine anything without Jeanne as a part of it, though.”
“I know,” Jessica agreed.

Matt did sixty five miled per hour all the way from his house to the entry way to the hospital. He pulled into the parking garage across the street, and sprinted to the emergency room entrance. Celeste and Jessica were still slowly ambling back and forth in front of the doorway when he arrived.
He swept Celeste up in a huge hug, and Jessica was surprised to see that Celeste literally collapsed into his arms. It was almost like she suddenly went completely boneless. Matt held her for a minute, and then carefully separated himself from her.
Celeste was having a time regaining her thoughts, but at least she felt more able to go back into the hospital. “Jessica, this is Matt, I’ve told you a little about him; he’s my boss for my new job.”
Turning to Matt, she said, “Matt, this is Jessica. She, Jeanne, and I, have been best friends since freshman year of school.”
Matt held out his hand to Jessica. “Sorry to meet you at this kind of time. I hope you’re doing as well as can be expected.”
Jessica nodded. “I’m fine,” she said curtly. She turned and led them back into the family room. Matt put his arm around Celeste’s waist and they followed.
Scott was alerted to the change at once when Jessica walked in looking as pissy as he had ever seen her. Celeste, on the other hand, was completely revived, and almost glowing. She was leaning into Matt’s shoulder, and she felt better with him just being nearby. It was almost like he was a well of strength that she was suddenly allowed to tap into.
Matt introduced himself to Mrs. XXX and Scott. He then took a seat just behind and to the right of Celeste’s chair. He rested his hand on her shoulder, and every now and again, she rubbed her cheek against it.
Fifteen minutes later, the doctor emerged. Mrs. XXX got up to talk to him, and let out a tremendous sob right in the middle of the conversation. Somehow, that noise was the impetus to let out all the tears that Celeste had been storing up, putting off. Celeste started crying again, but this time it wasn’t half-hearted, and she wasn’t trying to shut it off. She glanced at Jessica and found that both Jessica and Scott were crying as hard as she was. Jessica was cradled in Scott’s lap, and they were hugging one another frantically.
Celeste was comforted by Matt’s hand on her shoulder, and felt even more relieved when he walked over and knelt on the floor, wrapping his arms around her waist, and carefully stroking her back as she cried. He didn’t say much, just whispered, “It’ll be okay,” now and again into her hair.
Celeste sniffled, and pulled back a little. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, rubbed at them a little so that she could see. She had left a wet spot the size of her entire head in the chest of Matt’s sweatshirt.